The retirement industry spends enormous time modeling outcomes, but most of what really prepares us for retirement isn’t found in a Monte Carlo simulation. It’s learned from watching people around us live their lives. Often our fathers.
My parents led mostly through example — and powerful as that can be, as a kid those messages are often too subtle to be noticed, much less appreciated.
At 6’ 5” he was an imposing figure, all the more from the pulpit from which he did speak. He was a good speaker, but not a natural one. As a minister, he worked hard at it, studied his subject matter, and practiced his presentation relentlessly, each and every week. I always thought it amazing that such a quiet, introverted man would choose that career — but, and though it can’t have been easy, it was something he felt called to do at an early age.
He had opinions, but didn’t impose them on others. It was difficult (and sometimes frustrating) to wrest opinions from him. Indeed, despite his ministry, at home my dad was a man of few words — spoken words, anyway.
Significantly, he walked his “talk” — his faith, his love and respect for all people, even those with whom he disagreed — and those were attributes in short supply, even then. But this quiet “giant” found his true gift in writing — and in the process extended his influence and ministry well beyond a single congregation.
For all that fine example, I didn’t learn anything about finance from my dad — he avoided big purchases with the fervor of Ebenezer Scrooge, though he’d spend that much (and more) on small things (mostly books, much to my mother’s chagrin). His retirement decision was driven almost exclusively by age — honestly, I think he was going to stop working at 65 even if the finances didn’t support that timing (fortunately, they did).
His life example(s) notwithstanding, I’m a different person than my dad, though his example is never very far from my thoughts. As a parent, I’ve tried to share with my kids the lessons I’ve learned (and continue to learn), tried to spare them the pain that came with many of those (some I still can’t bear to admit aloud), but I’ve also tried to give them the room they need — and deserve — to learn their own on the life path(s) they chose — though that’s a life lesson of its own, and one with which I still sometimes struggle.
Sometimes we follow in our parents’ footsteps — and sometimes we go a different way. But here’s hoping that the footprints we leave along the way — intentional or otherwise — make other’s lives…better.
Happy Father’s Day!
- Nevin E. Adams, JD
No comments:
Post a Comment